Rally Day 1 - 2

I've woken at a truck stop in Germany. Hans is asleep next to me in the passenger seat, Roberta in the back. There is enough condensation on the windows to fill a couple German beer steins. You'd like to know how we got here I imagine but it is 530 in the morning so it is going to take me a second myself...

The Mongol Rally send-off party went off without a hitch. Gathered around the moat of the 14th century Bodiam castle were a couple hundred cars plastered with rally and donation stickers. There was in one case a vehicle carrying a bathtub on the roof, another with a blow up sex doll and inflatable palm tree. I like to imagine following the first to get a bath in rural Mongolia, I like to imagine avoiding the second entirely. The Dixie Chickens in their school bus were in fine form with chicken head hats and tuxedo shirts for the black tie party.

There were around three people who took the black tie party serious. Perhaps not the brightest team, we still looked fine sporting fancy clothes. Perhaps we were a bit overdressed but the opposite could be said for team Need for Speedo.

As for Bodiam castle, it is the perfect castle with a moat filled with ducks and surrounded by green fields. A brief look into the history of the castle shows that it doesn't have much history at all. I mean, I'm sure the people who lived here had some decent stories and whatnot, but as for doing what castles do, defending the realm and all, it hasn't seen much action.

This is all well and good, because it was in fine condition for a swell rally party. Within the castle there where wenches serving free mead but it took a bit of coercing, compliments, and perhaps a kiss to make the wenches give up the alcohol. On the opposite end of the social spectrum there was a fine orchestra playing for us. I can't say who the orchestra was or what they played because I was distracted by men in chain mail sword fighting. This was excellent because while I'm sure the blades were dulled the fighting wasn't staged or choreographed.

A few hours later we were all kicked out of the castle before the mead gave someone the courage to jump from the bulwarks into the moat. Roberta and I went to sleep at this point and missed one of the cars being buried under bales of hay, the Turkish flag being stolen, and someone's trumpet going missing.

If Hans had been part of these events he wasn't letting on about it. But then again he wasn't talking much at all. Staying up to 4am partying will do that to you, but only firsthand experience could teach our young intern this lesson.

Nonetheless, we all managed to drive across the stage to announce the start of the rally and headed down the road. Our destination? Klenova castle in the Czech Republic for the second of 3 Mongol Rally parties.

Having less than 48 hours to reach the Czech Republic is problematic. You see, while Europe is filled with many small countries like Monaco and Liechtenstein, Luxembourg and Frankenstein, it also has a couple Texas sized blobs known as France and Germany.

It was the second of these countries that defeated me despite flying the Panda down the German autobahn. Maybe we could have made it further but my copilots were so sleepy. Fortunately, on team Gobi or Go Home we respect our members and don't tease them for sleeping through the majority of Western Europe.

Pulling off the Autobahn into a rest area we unpacked the sleeping bags and cuddled into the car. This is where I learned that sharing a double sleeping bag with someone doesn't work if you are in separate seats of the car.

..But anyways, my colleagues are waking up (bless their little hearts). The sky is pink in the sunrise and the jet contrails look like puffs of cotton candy. It is a beautiful day and we should be in the Czech Republic in short order.