Klenova castle is scary. Built in 1291 it predates the Bodiam Castle by about 100 years but differs in one significant way. While Bodiam was built to protect against French invaders Klenova looks like it was built to protect from Witches, Werewolves, Succubi, and anything else that is haunting the dark gloomy forest just outside the castle walls.

Within the walls are cavernous rooms built like bunkers to wait out the night behind barricaded doors if the vampires do get in.

We arrived in the late evening with the sun setting by driving down a narrow, overgrown, dirt road. The branches of trees thwacked against the side of the car for a couple miles until we broke out into a field filled with stout number of rally cars. Some were UK rally starters, but the majority were our Mongol Rally allies from mainland Europe getting ready to begin their own journeys.

A Czech Rally official urged us to the path winding up the forested hill leading to the castle, “The party has already started."

We hurried up the haunted path just like ill fated teenagers in a horror movie.

Fortunately, there weren't any creepy people in cloaks, cawing bird-nymph ladies, or tall dark men creeping around surreptitiously on stilts.

Oh wait, yes there was.

We were guided by these otherworld creatures through the forest until we arrived at the safety of the castle. Czech musicians old and young alike warded off the evil spirits with old Czech accordion music and country music.

Horror movies always begin with a wild party of heavy alcohol, unbridled merriment, and drunken dancing, and end with a couple stumbling blind through a dark forest, and then fighting with a possessed contraption.

The Czech-Out Party was one of the wildest nights I have ever experienced even though I limited myself to a single shot of Czech rum. This is A) Because alcohol tastes like shit on my tongue and B) Because I'm a natural chaperone. It isn't a glorious or exciting attribute but god had to make some designated drivers I suppose.

My colleagues on the other hand had a gleam in their eyes and the spirits were cheap. After much revelry, dancing, and watching people throw fire around while dancing, it was after midnight.

At this point I caught Roberta sneaking away with Hans to the bar. When I worked my way through the merry crowd I found each of them downing a shot of absinthe.

Oh dear.

Like spinach for Popeye the Sailor-man, the absinthe unlocked Roberta secret power.

Roberta in party mode has a unique power of stealing people's hats. With her cute and excited nature as well as her bright smile she swindles people into giving her their head gear. Then she goes around and trades it for other hats she desires. Thus she ended up with a Wonder Woman headband stolen from Hans (Don't ask how he came to have this, I don't know and I'm not sure he remembers either). This headband was traded for a pirate hat and in turn she finagled a fuzzy cap with her ears out of a kindly rally man.

Like spiderman, I had to unleash my own power, the power of responsibility before Roberta made an arch-nemesis by stealing the wrong person's hat.

Thus I urged her from the castle and into the black woods. Roberta was full of glee as we descended into the unlit forest, I will admit to having a sense of dread.

Eyesight being useless I pulled the giggling Roberta through the forest following the sound of Australian accented voices in the distance. A couple corners later and I could see their head lamp in the distance.

Scrambling through the underbrush I pulled a still cheerful Roberta. "We're going to get lost forever!” she shouted joyfully as I pushed through thick and sticky spiderwebs.

Perhaps it was the bearish racket I was making while stumbling down the path or perhaps it was Roberta’s cackling that caused them to spin around wide-eyed.

“We need a light so we don't die!” Roberta shouted.

Thankfully, they waited for us. With the Australian couple we made our way out of the cursed forest and into the camping field. In return we showed them the big dipper and how to find the north star by aligning two of the big dipper's stars. While we have had fantastic, clear weather this was the first night I had been able to see the wisps of our milky way galaxy and for a moment I stopped and breathed in the clear air and fell into the divine feeling that comes with the knowledge that I was looking at billions of stars and that someone up there might just be looking back across the void.

I hope they had as fantastic a night as I did.